If I Were a Boy, I Would Have Wanted to Be a Woman

The freedoms I sometimes imagine I would have had as a man

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Sometimes I wonder what my life would have looked like if I had been born a boy.

Not because I think being a man is easier. I don’t.

And certainly not because I believe women are weaker.

In fact, there is something about women’s mental strength that has always amazed me. The ability to carry responsibilities, fear, pain, expectations, motherhood, relationships and countless invisible burdens, and still keep going, is something I deeply admire.

But if I were a boy, there are certain things I think I would have loved about the freedom that often comes with being a man.

Perhaps it is irrational to think this way. Perhaps I am romanticizing a freedom that isn’t always as simple as it appears from the other side.

But these are the things I imagine.

1. I would enjoy the freedom to simply walk around

This is probably the first thing that comes to my mind.

I would love to sit on a bench beside a road and simply watch people.

Birdwatching.

People-watching.

Watching the world move around me without constantly wondering whether I should be there alone.

I would eat street food late at night.

I would walk to a shop instead of taking a vehicle.

I would take a quick stroll down the lane just because I felt like walking.

I would put my earphones in, listen to music, put both my hands inside my pockets and walk without thinking too much about who is watching.

That kind of ordinary freedom feels extraordinary to me.

2. I would wear very short shorts

Growing up in the part of the world where I did, girls and women rarely had the freedom to dress exactly as they wanted.

Things are changing. I can see that.

But even today, wearing something as simple as shorts can come with the awareness of rolling eyes, judgment and unwanted attention.

I believe being able to wear minimal yet decent clothing without having to constantly calculate how other people might react is a privilege.

If I were a boy, I think I would wear the shortest shorts I could find and walk around without giving it a second thought.

Not because I want attention.

Precisely because I wouldn’t have to think about attention.

3. I would learn to ride a bike

Whenever I see a woman riding a motorcycle, I feel a strange sense of pride.

Maybe because I know how much courage it can take for some women to enter spaces that have traditionally been treated as men’s spaces.

There is something wonderfully liberating about sitting on a bike, starting the engine and simply going wherever you want.

I would have learned to ride.

And I would have loved it.

Perhaps there is still time.

4. I would travel interstate in a truck

This one might sound strange.

But I once watched a movie that made me develop a deep fascination with travelling in a truck.

I imagined spending days on the road, crossing states, sleeping in the truck, watching unfamiliar landscapes pass by and continuing until my thirst for travel was finally satisfied.

There is something incredibly romantic about the idea of being on the road with nowhere to be except somewhere else.

If I were a man, perhaps I would have chased that adventure without thinking twice.

5. I would travel to many countries

This one has less to do with being a man and more to do with the person I became.

I grew up as the least confident child.

I was scared of many things.

Heights.

Being alone.

Unfamiliar places.

Sometimes I feel as though a different phobia is waiting for me everywhere I go.

Perhaps if I had grown up with a little more confidence, I would have travelled much more.

I would have boarded planes without overthinking.

I would have gone to places where I knew nobody.

I would have walked through unfamiliar cities alone.

I would have collected countries the way some people collect memories.

Maybe the boy I imagine I could have been would have been braver.

Or perhaps I am simply imagining a braver version of myself.

6. I don’t want to be a father

This is the one thing on this list where I don’t feel any longing at all.

I love being a mother.

I don’t want to know what it feels like to be a father to my daughter.

Motherhood, to me, is something almost divine.

I am not a perfect mother.

Far from it.

But there is something deeply beautiful about making an effort every day to become the mother I once dreamed I could be.

I don’t want to exchange that experience for anything.

If I were a boy, I might have experienced fatherhood.

But I would have missed motherhood.

And that is one trade I would never want to make.

7. I wouldn’t suddenly want to smoke or drink

Being a man wouldn’t magically change this part of me.

I have always had a strong aversion to smoking and alcohol.

Even the smell irritates me.

The sight of someone smoking can make me uncomfortable.

So I don’t think becoming a man would suddenly make me want to sit somewhere with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other.

Some things have nothing to do with gender.

They are simply who we are.

8. I would love to know what physical strength feels like

This is perhaps the most honest one.

I would love to experience immense physical strength.

The kind of strength that makes you feel capable of lifting something heavy, running faster, defending yourself, travelling alone without worrying about your physical vulnerability and simply knowing that your body can handle more.

Women are strong.

I know that.

But physical strength and mental strength are not the same thing.

And I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to have the physical strength that many men naturally have.

Perhaps I would have done many things differently.

Perhaps I would have been less afraid.

Perhaps I would have walked into places that currently intimidate me.

Perhaps I would have taken more risks.

Perhaps.

But would I really want to be a boy?

Probably not.

Because somewhere along the way, I realized that what I envy isn’t necessarily being a man.

It is the freedom I associate with being a man.

The freedom to walk.

To wander.

To dress without calculation.

To travel without fear.

To enter spaces without wondering whether I belong there.

To be physically strong.

To take up space.

And perhaps that is the real conversation we need to have.

Why should these freedoms belong more naturally to one gender than the other?

Maybe I don’t want to become a boy.

Maybe I simply want to live a life where being a woman doesn’t require me to constantly negotiate with fear.

And if I were a boy?

I would probably have still wondered what it felt like to be a woman.

Because women have something I have always admired deeply.

The extraordinary ability to be mentally strong even when the world expects them to be anything but.