We measure everything against something else, from work and pay to houses, children, partners, lifestyle, and even personal relations; there’s nothing that escapes the measuring scale. Not even God.
My Cousin is One Such Person
Yesterday, my cousin was upset about her daughter’s grades. As far as I know, this child is very intelligent, extremely confident, and very self-reliant. So naturally, I thought something had gone seriously wrong.
But my cousin’s remark was:
“Her grades are good, but she scored 3 points less than the neighbor’s daughter.”
Curious, I went ahead and talked to the little one.
To my surprise, the kid was not at all like her mother. Instead, she was very calm and composed. Though she didn’t get those 3 valuable marks, she was happy with her results. And she is well aware that her grades are pretty good(in fact, extremely good). The only thing bothering her was why her mother was upset.
That moment made me think about the level of maturity shown by a mother who is supposed to support her child in such situations, in contrast to the maturity shown by this 15-year-old.
Time for the adults to take cues from children, maybe. Because honestly, are we not all like this?
We often miss the maturity expected of us.
I’m Not Different Either
I even do the same. I tend to measure the gifts my baby receives from my relatives against those gifted by my husband’s side of the family. Somewhere, I unconsciously measure love through those gifts. And I realize, that’s not right.
The weird thing is that we just cannot avoid comparing; it is so ingrained within us.
So how do we deal with this?
Perhaps through appreciating what something adds to our life rather than what it fails to provide over another.
A gift is still a gift.
A child’s achievement is still an achievement.
But this habit steals the joy from both.
We miss celebrating moments. We miss soaking ourselves in the warmth of the love people shower on us. The small joys of life escape us because we are busy comparing ourselves to others.
Why are we like this? That’s our upbringing.
Because most of us grew up constantly being compared.
We were asked to score more than the neighbor’s child, earn more than relatives, do better than classmates, and stay ahead of some imaginary competitor.
And slowly, this habit became normal.
But in a situation free from such evaluation, maybe my child would set goals far bigger than the neighbor’s child ever imagined. Maybe she would discover her own originality, creativity, and interests.
Instead, we unknowingly encourage children to become clone versions of others.
As parents, God entrusts us with a much bigger responsibility.
If God blessed you to be a parent, you are expected to set standards based on your child’s potential, not based on what somebody else’s child achieved.
The problem is, we limit ourselves to thinking:
“At least I am at par.” “At least I am slightly better.”
Even if the benchmark itself is average.
And that is how people spend their whole life running somebody else’s race.
The benchmark I set for myself or my children should come from our interests, capabilities, and instincts. Otherwise, life slowly loses its charm, and we are left with a strange feeling that something is missing, without understanding what exactly it is.
Conclusion
Take joy in every gift, big or small, because every gift is an expression of love.
Take joy in every achievement of your child, big or small, because for them, every achievement matters, and motivate them.
And that is what lays a strong foundation for life, contentment, joy, and confidence.
You do not always have to teach children these things directly. They observe, experience, and learn. It is the upbringing around them that moulds their character.
No matter what the person next to you achieves, you should carry on with your own journey. Be happy to help them and be happy for their achievements.
And COMPARE less. At least I’m trying to.